Sunday, February 27, 2011

M is for Mend Fences

Once again I have finished a verse on my ABC's of Aging Artfully by Lizzie Kate. And once again I have given thought to what the verse means to me.
Here is the letter M which stands for Mend Fences:

Mend Fences. Hmm. Forgiveness. Letting go of past hurts. Not so easy. Sometimes downright, outright hard.
One thing I have learned in this life is that you must forgive. Trust me when I say this, you must forgive.
Forgiveness, believe it or not, is not for the person or persons that hurt you. It is for you. Spending time, sometimes years, not forgiving just takes it's toll on YOU. Many times the person that hurt you has gone on with their lives, never even thinking about what they did. They are sleeping at night. Enjoying life.
But unforgiveness is eating at you. It can cause depression, bad eating habits, sleepless nights and general unhappiness.
Now I understand that sometimes things happen that cannot be forgotten. Or really, shouldn't be forgotten, such as in abuse cases. I am not asking you to forget.
I am asking you to forgive. Reach in your heart and forgive that person. Write a letter, even if you don't send it. Then let it go.
I had a really good friend. Went to school with this person. Shared lots of good times with her. But one day she betrayed my trust. Or rather threatened to betray my trust. Friendship over. I couldn't forgive her. Never mind she was doing what she thought was right. Never mind we never talked about it. I just stopped talking to her.
Until some 20+ years later I saw her in passing. I then realized she had no idea I was so angry, so unforgiving, or even why I would be. 20+ years of MY LIFE spent not forgiving someone who didn't even have a clue. MY LIFE. At that moment I forgave. And we picked up our friendship. I have enjoyed her. She remembers me when I was young, vivacious, fun! We share laughs about the past and see our children making mistakes we could keep them from if they would only listen.
But 20+ years have passed. I can't imagine where we would be in our friendship if I had just forgave her.
I have seen people who can't forgive. They are not happy people. They are always looking to make sure no one ever hurts them again. They have walls up. They are missing so much happiness.
Mend fences. Something we all need to do. Now where is that emotional hammer and nails? I am sure there is someone I need to forgive...


Kay said...

Your stitching is coming along beautifully! What you say is true completely. We all have people in our lives that have hurt us and it is not always so easy to let go, sometimes walking away from things and thinking about things and what to say in a calm fashion is always good too, that way you will not say things that you can never take back. Forgiving is something that we should all do.

Kathy said...

What a powerful post. And one that would benefit many if they would only listen. Unfortunately most people won't. :(

Your LK piece is looking fabulous. Can't wait to see more.

Carolyn NC said...

Awesome progress and reminder! Words of wisdom indeed.

Emily in NC said...

Very nice, and a very compelling story to go along.

Anonymous said...

Amen, amen, amen. Forgiving someone doesn't mean they're welcome at your table, or even in your heart. It's a gift you give yourself. It took such a long time to learn that; congratulations to you on making the connection.

staci said...

Lovely stitching and sentiments!

Dani - tkdchick said...

Very deep words there Donna! So true.

Meari said...

Very good post, Donna. And so true.

Glad you've picked up friendship with your friend again.

Katrien said...


Carol's Stitching said...

What a wonderful post and one that I hope many of us takes to heart. I know that I have struggled sometimes with these life situations and it is unbelievable to much lighter you feel when you let that "mad" go! Your stitching is looking marvelous and I'm looking forward to reading your future posts!!!

chrisstitches said...

Love your chocolate project. Beautiful family. Thanks for sharing.